Motivation, Shame, Gentleness & Perspective
You’ve probably heard the phrase “be gentle with yourself;” if not prior to the current state of the world, at least sprinkled in there over these past few weeks. You might be right there along with me as I watch friends, family, and acquaintances posting activities and methods they’re using to cope and create productivity, only to note my own perceived lack of the very motivation to produce. A friend of mine coping with her child’s cancer treatments, already living in uncertainty for an extended period of time, welcomed us by sharing the skill of “manufacturing joy;” that is, truly developing the skill of mindful, purposeful presence set on valuing and embracing each moment with intention. I watch her fighting to stay positive, and value her honesty and perspective when she also shows people it’s not possible to nail that attitude all the time. Sometimes, it’s just really hard and we slump under the weight of it.
And that’s OK.
In those moments, resilience is born. Those are the moments where we pick ourselves up and make a conscious effort to change our perspective or do something that feels good-however small. Those moments where we drop what we’re doing and go for a long walk. Or take a nap. Or hop in the shower. When we reach that breaking point and we can’t take it anymore, and then we do something nice for ourselves…something that gives us joy and comforts us. I know I feel as if I need a lot of those moments, and for me, those moments are where shame sneaks in as I judge my lack of productivity in relation to others, and our productivity-fueled, hyper-scheduled previous reality
We are observing others through a filter, but the reality is that everyone is adjusting differently- with varying levels of focus, motivation, and determination based on our own life experiences up to this point. Our reality is that these are unprecedented times and we are filled with uncertainty. There has been a sudden and massive shift in our global culture which has at once united us across the world, while simultaneously separating and isolating us.
In my last post, I touched on the topic of grief (here’s a link to the article I referenced). We continue to experience a vastly different reality, the loss of associated freedom, and uncertainty for the future; all while trying to maintain some sense of structure and form- and hope- within our homes, amidst the chaos which surrounds us. We have been essentially forced into our cocoons…while essential workers and our medical community must remain on the front lines. At least for me as a medically informed professional, there is a sense of guilt that I cannot do more to physically help. I have reached out to my professional organization in support of making a coordinated effort to offer willing LMTs as extra hands, but this has been declined for the moment. For me, the situational sense of helplessness, powerlessness, and isolation creates a potent cocktail which can easily zap motivation.
I had a conversation this week with a friend of mine; a professional in the field of Cognitive Neuroscience. She brought up the concept of “singularity,” which was a new term for me. She explained it as the root of motivation, or the thing which propels us in a new direction. A driving force…something which creates inertia and movement from a point of stillness. To me, this revealed the internal conflict we face in stark relief: we have been forced to rapidly slow our pace of life and productivity, an oxymoron in itself. And yet, we still need to find something to keep us moving…some sort of propellant…all the while being told to slow down, witness, observe. To “be gentle with yourself.”
There is something to be said for letting the inertia of the established reality carry us somewhere deeply profound and rarely experienced by the cultural and socioeconomic standards which were the “norm” up until a few weeks ago. There is something comforting in taking a vacation from the chaotic noise of transformation and global shifts to bring our attention inward and to stillness. To peace. To acknowledge and learn to be accepting of the discomfort we’ve been thrust into. To allow for the time to fall apart, then to collect ourselves (over and over again), take in the massive changes, and observe from a removed, renewed perspective in order to recalibrate our intentions and actions to fit with our dynamic, rapidly adjusting new reality.
Perspective is necessary for intentional, purposeful growth. We determine our direction by a series of past and present factors which give us an idea of where we might be headed in the future if we shift our sails in a specific direction. The issue right now is the lack of clarity about the present, which leads to diminished ability for perspective for the future. For me, stepping back to observe and care for my physical and psycho-emotional health has been key to gaining perspective of our current new world, which I believe will eventually lead me to a unifying motivator, a singularity, which will propel me as an active, relevant contributor to our developing new world.
In other words, in bringing myself to stillness and contemplation, I limit the chaotic intrusion and I am able to gain my footing in a firmly present reality. For me, that means being ok with tuning out and taking as many breaks as I need. That stillness brings with it perspective, which will create the inertia of forward movement and motivating factors which will allow for exponential growth, even in times of uncertainty. This means breaking old habits, and these days certainly challenge us to see the relevance of our old ways of doing things. Adaptation is a key factor in the resilience of the human spirit.
Tara Brach recently spoke about habit change in this podcast on Healing Addiction from March of 2017. As I am not a licensed professional in the field of mental heath, I encourage you to check out professionals like Tara Brach for further guidance. As an overview, she says that cultivating mindfulness is the key to successful habit change. First, we need to learn to pause, which is the cultivation of mindfulness in itself. We do this through developing grounding and our awareness of one moment at a time, among other skills. Once we are present, we are able to notice and identify triggers, or moments of clarity which reveal our patterns to us. Once we are able to stop and observe, we are able to recalibrate our response which is the third principle Brach speaks of: develop a fresh perspective. This is where the change happens. When we notice an old response and make a conscious decision to adjust our response based on mindful awareness, we are able to proceed with much more clarity and intentional purpose.
There is nothing shameful in approaching our own hearts, minds, and bodies with gentleness and understanding in times of chaos. Our innate ability to adapt to our surroundings allows us to survive in times of fear and uncertainty. That might mean more sleep, more or less screen time, reaching out to friends and family that may have fallen away in the business of our previous reality, etc. Perspective is the root of motivation, and motivation is the driving force of transformation and growth. Be gentle- understanding- with yourself and your individual process. Trust your body and mind to adapt by giving the individual amount of time and space you need to recalibrate based on our developing reality. I’m right there with you.